iCan't help how I feel
by losingmymind3696
Summary: Now that Sam is older Spencer looks at her differently but hides his feelings. When Sam is hurt will Spencer save her and finally admit the truth? Can they work out? Spam SpencerXSam
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is set somewhat in the future. Sam, Carly and Freddie are now 17. I'm gonna make Spencer somewhere between 24 to 26. This is only going to be a few chapters long. Like 3 to 5 only. I don't have a lot time to make it really long but I have the whole idea already worked out. Let me know what you think of everything. Thanks. **

* * *

Freddie turned off the camera as another episode of iCarly finished up. Sam turned to Carly. "I'm gonna go some thing to drink, want anything?" She asked. Carly shook her head.

"I want-" Freddie began.

"I guess you should walk and get it your self." Sam said interrupting him. Freddie glared at her. Sam didn't care. She walked down and entered the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and bent over looking at the different juices. She picked one out and then stood up turning around. Spencer was standing watching her. Sam felt her heartbeat speed up. "Hey Spence." She said.

"Uh...hey Sam." Spencer said. "How is the show going?" He asked shoving his hands into his pockets.

"It was good." Sam said nodding. "I was just getting some juice." She said.

"Oh yeah, right." Spencer said. He reached into the cabinet and handed her a cup. Sam's fingers brushed against it. Spencer felt his face become flushed. "Well I'm gonna go back to work now." He said quickly and turned leaving.

Sam watched him walk out. Once she was sure he was gone she let out a long breath. Sam couldn't remember exactly when she started looking at Spencer differently. She just noticed one day he was her best friend's dorky older brother and the next...he was this perfect guy she wanted nothing more than to embrace and kiss passionately. She stayed around the loft more and more to just be around him. Sam thinking that way made herself feel sick. She poured her juice and then headed back up.

Spencer walked back into his room. He shut the door and leaned against it. He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't believe the feelings that arouse in his stomach when Sam was around. He felt horrible even thinking of her in any other way than a little sister. Carly was his sister. Sam and Carly were best friends. But over the last year Sam had blossomed into a beautiful young woman.

Her body had grown in all the right places and Spencer couldn't help but notice. Sam had been hanging around the loft more than before making it hard for Spencer to avoid her. He thought if he avoided her everything would be okay but he couldn't. He shook these thoughts from his mind and concentrated on his new sculpture.

Sam walked back into the studio. "Took you long enough." Freddie said annoyed that Sam hadn't gotten him anything.

"Hey Freddie, just shut up." Sam said bumping into him making him almost fall. "Anyway," Sam said dropping back onto the floor next to Carly. "So what are we gonna do for next week?" Sam asked taking a long drink from her glass.

"Actually I can't do iCarly next week." Freddie said shrugging. "My mom is making me go on some kind of mother-son retreat thing...so I'm not going to be here." He explained.

"And you waited until now to mention this?" Sam asked angry. She knew this meant she didn't have a good excuse to be around the loft so often. Carly was too busy with finishing college applications for Sam to just show up.

"Its fine, I have a busy week anyway." Carly said shrugging. "Besides its not like we've never missed an episode. We'll just post a bulletin about it. Our viewers will understand."

"Understand that Freddie's mom is completely crazy and obessed with keeping him from growing up?" Sam asked a smirk forming on her face.

"Hey thats...well true...but thats still mean." Freddie said crossing his arms.

"Whatever, I'm gonna leave then." Sam said standing. "Bye." She grabbed her hoodie and headed out the loft.

* * *

Carly looked up from the paper she was writing. Spencer was starring at her. "Whats wrong?" She asked unsure.

"I haven't seen Sam or Freddie for the last week...whats up with that?" He asked worried they might be fighting. Spencer had actually felt relief that Sam wasn't around but he also missed her. He missed her sarcastic humor and quiet laugh. He missed explaining his random sculptures to her.

"We're not doing iCarly this week. Freddie is going somewhere with his mom." Carly said cringing. Spencer cringed along with her. "Yeah...one of those mother-son things." Carly explained. "And Sam has been busy with her family...I think." Carly said unsure. "Her mom's new boyfriend just got outta jail." Carly shrugged. "And I have a date tonight." Carly added quickly hoping Spencer would ignore that.

"What?" Spencer asked almost falling to the floor. "Why didn't you mention this before? I didn't even say you could go. Who is this guy? Do I know him already?" The words poured out his mouth faster than Carly could process them.

"Don't worry, you can meet him eventually." Carly said standing. "I'm gonna go get ready now." She said smiling before skipping off to her bedroom leaving Spencer speechless.

It was about two hours that Spencer was sitting alone watching TV that frantic knocking hit the front door of the loft. He stood up walking over slowly. "Yeah?" He called through the door. "Who is it?" He asked and there was no answer. He opened the door unsure but it was pushed open and Sam walked passed him quickly. "Hey Sam, Carly isn't here." He said watching her. This is bad Spencer thought. He hadn't been alone with Sam for over a year. Not since he began thinking differently of her.

"She isn't here?" Sam asked facing him. Her eyes were watery and her cheeks stained. She had been crying. Sam suddenly felt embarrassed for crying in front of Spencer. She had before but not recently. Mostly when she was younger and didn't think of him as more than Carly's brother. "I'm sorry for coming here but I didn't know where else to go and I thought Carly would be here." She said wiping her cheeks.

Spencer was suddenly concerned. "Its not a problem. What happened?" He asked. Sam sat on the couch and he sat next to her.

"Its my mom." Sam said taking a deep breath. "Her stupid drunken boyfriend came back. He hates me probably because I'm the only one with enough nerve to point out that he is a drunk." She explained. "And when he came back today my mom wasn't home...I guess he thought it would be okay to just...I don't know...do whatever he wanted..." Sam's voice trailed off and her eyes seemed daze off.

"What happened Sam?" Spencer asked forcing her to look at him. "Did he do something to you?" He asked worried.

"I told him no...I told him to stop." Sam said shaking her head as fresh tears fell from her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Spencer felt his mind racing. Did Sam just say that? His heart was pounding in his chest and he felt himself becoming angrier. "Sam, what happened?" He asked trying to get her to focus. "Did he touch you at all?" He asked grabbing her hand. She looked up at him. Her eyes looked empty. "Its okay." Spencer said embracing her. She nuzzled her head into the crook of his neck.

"I swear I didn't want him too but he just didn't listen." Sam said tears still falling from her eyes. "I was so scared and when he finished...he just left. He acted like it didn't even change anything." She was shaking now as her crying worsened. "I can't go back there." Sam whispered.

"Don't worry, you don't have to go back anywhere. I promise." Spencer said. It was a promise he was going to keep. "Don't worry about it." He whispered. He began to think. There was so much to be done. Did Sam want to press charges? How would they even go about that? If Sam did what would her mother do?

"Can I just stay here for the night?" Sam asked looking at Spencer now.

"Yeah of course." Spencer said. "But first...I think maybe you should go to the emergency room...to get checked out. Its the safest thing to do." Spencer said hoping she wouldn't refuse. "I think its best for you." He stated.

"I can't go...I can't tell anyone what happened. My mom is never going to believe me...shes gonna think I'm lying. Shes gonna be angry at me." Sam said quickly in a panicky tone. "Please don't make me."

"Sam...its the best thing to do for yourself." Spencer said sounding like a parent now.

Just then the door opened and Carly walked in. She looked at Spencer who was still holding Sam's hand. She looked at Sam who had tears flowing out her eyes still. "What happened?" Carly asked running over to her best friend. Sam began to tell Carly the same story she had told Spencer. When she was finished Carly starred at her in complete shock. "Have you gone to the doctor?" Carly asked.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Sam said now angry. "I dont want to go." She stated.

"Sam you _have _to go. You could've gotten something...or you could be hurt." Carly said trying to be reasonable. "Please go...I'll go with you." She said.

Sam remained quiet thinking. She knew it was best for her health. "Alright." She said giving in.

About an hour later Sam and Carly were together in the emergency room and Spencer was waiting outside. He didn't want to invade in Sam's privacy at all or make her feel uncomfortable. Plus he couldn't get the image of Sam being taken advantage of out of his mind. He was pacing back and forth at the entrance. He couldn't stay still. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Spencer knocked on the door quickly. His heart was pounding in his chest. Finally the door opened. "Hey Mrs. Puckett I-"

"Sam isn't here." She interrupted him. "I thought she was with you and Carly?" She asked taking a drag off her cigarette.

"Thats actually why I came here." Spencer said. "Well...Sam showed up at the loft tonight and she was very upset."

"Shes a teenager. What do you expect?" Mrs. Puckett said sounding annoyed.

"Well actually...she said that your boyfriend...well...he took advantage of her when you weren't here." Spencer said unsure of how she was going to react. Her eyes narrowed. She took another long drag remaining silent. Spencer was unsure what to do or say. "Um, Sam is at the emergency room right now-"

"You took her to the hospital before coming to see me?" She asked. "I should've figured that would happen. Look Mr. Shay, Jimmy explained everything to me already when I got home. Sam is very confused...she came on to him and when he rejected her she just felt embarrassed." She shrugged. "Now when you see tell her I'm not angry about it, it was an honest mistake."

"Mrs. Puckett I don't think you understand what-"

"Are you accusing Jimmy of rape?" She asked spit flying from her mouth. "Look Sam isn't your daughter. You don't know her and you don't understand how she acts out. I do. So why don't you just go off and make some new art thing, alright?" She said before slamming the door. Spencer starred at the door for a minute unsure of what to do next. He knew what he wanted to do, he just didn't know if it was the right thing to do.

He turned and started the walk back to the hospital. Sam and Carly should've been done by when he got there. He walked to the entrance and waited for them to walk out.

Soon they were all back at the loft. Carly had gone upstairs to get pajamas to lend to Sam. "I should call my mom...so she doesn't worry." Sam said grabbing the phone. Spencer stopped her. "Whats wrong?" She asked unsure but felt her stomach flutter with Spencer's hand touching hers.

"I talked to your mom." Spencer began hoping Sam wouldn't be angry at him. "I went while you and Carly were waiting...and I don't know if its really a good idea for you to talk to her."

"What did you tell her?" Sam asked quietly.

"I told her what you told me." Spencer answered. "And she...well it seems that Jimmy might've told her-"

"Something different." Sam finished shaking her head. "I knew this would happen. Why did you have to tell her Spencer?" She asked looking at him. "I didn't want her to know. I knew she wasn't going to believe it either way. She loves him and thinks he can do no wrong." Sam said her voice raising.

"Sam she had to know. She _is_ your mom." Spencer stated.

"Well now you ruined everything." Sam yelled. "Jimmy is gonna know that I said something and its only going to be worse when I go back home now. Thats if he even lets me go back..." Sam said her voice trailing off.

"It was the best thing to do." Spencer argued with her. "Once you talk to your mom she'll understand everything. I'll take you to the police tomorrow and you can fill out a report. Everything is going to be okay."

"No!" Sam yelled. She stood up starring at him. "Thats not how it works at my house. We don't do that kinda stuff...when this happens we pretend like it didn't. We move on. And now you've ruined everything!" She yelled feeling angry at him.

"Look Sam, you have to understand why I did this. Its whats best for you." He said confused by how Sam was acting.

"No its not. You don't know whats best for me. You're not my Dad or anything. You don't know me." Sam said walking towards the door.

"Sam just wait...where are you gonna go?" He asked confused.

"Anywhere but here is perfect." Sam said angrily. She opened the door. "I don't wanna be here ever again."

"Sam don't go." Spencer begged worried he might never see her again.

"Just leave me alone, I never wanna see you again!" She yelled before slamming the door and was gone out the building. Sam didn't know where she was going but she knew she was angry. Spencer had just ruined everything. She couldn't go home and she couldn't go to Carly's. She had nowhere else. What was she going to do now?


	3. Chapter 3

Carly walked down the stairs and noticed Sam wasn't there. "Where is Sam?" She asked her older brother. Spencer looked at her but remained silent. "She left didn't she?" Carly asked. "What did you say to her?" Carly asked angry.

"I went to talk to her mom thats all." Spencer said. "She needed to know what happened. Sam needs help." Spencer said.

Carly nodded. She knew Spencer was right but she was worried about her friend now. "Did she say where she was going?" Carly asked. Spencer shook his head. "Well what are you doing sitting then?" Carly asked running to put shoes on. "We need to go find her!" She yelled. "Come on." She said pushing Spencer out the loft.

"Where are we gonna look?" Spencer asked unsure.

"Everywhere Sam likes to hang out. I don't think she went to anyones house, she probably just wants to be alone for awhile." Carly said being reasonable.

"I'm just worried." Spencer said furrowing his brow.

"I know." Carly said softly. "I really mean that..." She said looking at her older brother waiting for a response. Spencer starred at her unsure. "Its never been hard to figure out what you think Spencer...and I know why you're so worried about Sam." Carly said taking a deep breath. "And I'm not angry about." She reassured him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Spencer said wishing Carly didn't know the truth. "I'm worried cause shes your friend, your best friend." Spencer said simply trying to play it off. Carly shook her head. "Is it that obvious?" Spencer asked feeling embarrassed now.

"No, not to Sam at least." Carly answered honestly. "But I think she might feel the same. I won't lie...I think its a little weird but sometimes the heart wants what it wants." Carly stated simply.

"Carly Shay you are wise beyond your years." Spencer smiled at her.

"Yeah I know." Carly smirked. "But lets focus on finding Sam now." She walked aheard and he followed after her quickly.

* * *

Sam continued to walk slowly. She had stopped at the boardwalk. It was where her and Carly usually went when they wanted to talk without being interrupted by Freddie or Spencer. Sam had decided to leave because she knew that would be the first place Carly looked for her. Sam took turns left and right now really paying attention. It was already late and dark but she didn't feel scared.

She kept replaying the scene with Spencer over and over in her mind. She couldn't believe how she yelled at him. He probably hated her now and she had no one to blame but herself. If there ever was a chance for her and Spencer to be she had surely ruined it now. She shook her head angry at herself for being so immature. Spencer would never want to be with someone who acts like a 12 year old.

Although it was true at times Spencer was more immature than her, Carly and Freddie combined. Sam smiled thinking of all the good times the four of them had together. If her and Spencer did ever get together and it ended that would be gone. She didn't want that. She didn't want to risk the chance they had to be friends forever. Sam looked up and found herself outside her apartment building.

She thought about going in and trying to talk to her. Spencer was right. Her mom had to know the truth. She had to understand that Sam wasn't making it up. What happened to her was wrong. Sam was about to walk in when she noticed Spencer and Carly walking over to the building. Sam panicked and reacted faster than she could think. She quickly ducked into the alley and out of sight.

* * *

Carly walked down the boardwalk. "I guess she isn't here either." She said looking at Spencer. "I really thought this was the place she would be." Carly explained. "We always come here."

"Maybe thats why she isn't here. Its too obvious. Sam knows you're gonna look for her. So she went somewhere we won't look." Spencer shrugged.

"Spencer why couldn't you have said that earlier?" Carly asked hugging her brother quickly. "You're a genius." She smiled. "Lets go to her house." Carly said. She knew it was the last place they would expect to find Sam

It was a short walk but soon they were outside the apartment building. Carly hadn't been there in forever. She usually avoided Sams house. It wasn't an exactly kid friendly place. Sam's mom was nice but she preferred Sam and Carly stay out than be in the apartment with her.

Spencer knocked on the door for the second time that night. It opened and Mrs. Puckett was standing there. "What is it now?" She asked already sounding annoyed. "Look Sam isn't here, she is supposed to be with you and if she isn't...well then shes just acting like a Puckett." She shrugged.

"Carly and I are just worried. Sam was upset when she left earlier and we were hoping you had seen her tonight...at all." Spencer said trying to remain calm.

"She isn't here." A rough voice suddenly came. A guy with greasy hair pushed past Mrs. Puckett shoving her back into the apartment. When he spoke the alcohol on his breath rang in the air. "She ran off after she tried to get some of this." He smirked. "Now if you find her tell her I won't be angry for what happened." He nodded.

"Look we know the truth!" Carly yelled at him. "What you did is wrong and you're gonna pay for it." She threatened anger in her voice.

"Right little girl." Jimmy shrugged smiling. "I didn't do anything Sam didn't want. She just can't admit it to herself just yet." He shrugged. "Shes embarrassed, I would be too." He leaned forward close to Spencer's ears. "She moans like a sweet girl too." He said a smirk remaining on his lips.

Spencer couldn't hold it in anymore. He pulled back, his hand instantly turning into a fist and connected with Jimmy's jaw. He was too shocked to react quickly. Spencer's other fist met his eye making him fall back. Mrs. Puckett ran over yelling. Carly tried to grab Spencer but he simply shook her off with ease. He got on Jimmy hitting him a few more times before he felt sastisfied. Spencer stood up feeling his fist shaking with anger and pain.

"Come on Carly." He said turning to his younger sister who was in complete shock. They began to walk when Jimmy came running after them. He jumped on Spencer from behind knocking him to the ground. Spencer's forehead smashed into the sidewalk knocking him into a daze for a few seconds. Jimmy was able to kick him in the stomach until Carly pushed him sending him falling to the floor. He was too drunk to keep his balance. Spencer stood up kicking Jimmy in the stomach a few times before he finally let Carly pull him away.

They walked in silence the rest of the way home. Spencer had a hard time walking since his stomach was in pain and he felt his forehead throbbing. He didn't care though. He was happy with what he had done to Jimmy. He had deserved all of it and Spencer would've done it again if he had the chance.


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the last part. I'm thankful to everyone who read all of this and reviewed it. Please keep doing that for the ending. Let me know what you think about it. I still want to know. Okay? Thanks a bunch!! :)  
**

* * *

Sam watched the fight between Spencer and Jimmy. She was worried Spencer would get hurt but she was surprised when she saw how easily he took down Jimmy. Jimmy only got him when Spencer was already leaving. Sam wanted to run over and make sure Spencer was alright but she was frozen in her spot. She had never been so shocked in her life. She felt proud of Spencer for sticking up for her. No one had ever done that for her, except Carly. No one had ever cared for her like the Spencer showed that night.

Sam quickly hailed a cab and gave the address to the Shay loft. She ran up the stairs and knocked on the door. It was quiet. Carly and Spencer must not have gotten there yet. She looked on top of the door frame for the extra key. She unlocked the door and walked in. It was completely dark and quiet. Sam walked to Spencers room. She pushed open the door slowly. She had never been in his room. She had seen it when she walked passed plenty of times but she had never entered in all the years her and Carly had been friends.

She walked in slowly. Her footsteps echoed in the room. Sam looked around the room realizing it was exactly how she thought it would be. Random items littered the floor. Miniture sculptures Spencer loved rested on shelves and the bed was unmade. She walked over to the dresser opening the drawers. The top one was filled with multi-colored socks that lit up. She smiled to herself. These were the things that made her _love _Spencer.

She smiled. She loved him, she truly did. She could only hope he would feel the same way. She closed the drawer and heard Carly and Spencer talking. Sam froze in her spot. She didn't know where to go. She turned just as the door opened. She knew she looked like a deer in the headlights but that thought flew out of her mind when she saw the dried blood that covered Spencer.

"We were looking for you." Spencer said walking into the room. "I'll let Carly know you're here." He said about to turn but Sam stopped him.

"Its okay." Sam said. "I just wanted to see you." She said walking over to him quickly. Her hand reached up touching his forehead softly. "I'm sorry this happened to you...I saw what happened." Sam explained before Spencer had the chance to ask how she already knew. "Come on." She said leading him to his own bathroom.

Spencer sat on the toilet seat as Sam gathered the things she needed to clean him up. They both remained silent as Sam wet a washcloth with warm water. She pressed it against his cut and flinched. She bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. "Are you laughing?" Spencer asked looking at her.

"No." Sam lied as she continued to press but softer this time. "I'm sorry." She smiled at him.

"It was worth it if it got you to smile once today." Spencer said smiling at her. "I'm sorry about talking to your mom without telling you but I just thought it was the best thing to do. If I had known it was going to make you upset I wouldn't have done it to begin with."

"Its okay." Sam said as she applied disinfectant. "Honestly, its the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm grateful and way beyond lucky to have Carly and you in my life." Sam stated. "I don't know what I would without you." Sam said.

Spencer remained quiet. Had Sam said without you? She didn't mention Carly but that could've been a mistake. Maybe he was looking too far into it...or maybe thats exactly what it was. Sam had said it on purpose because it was what she truly meant. She had meant Spencer, just Spencer. Was it possible that Sam had the slightest amount of feelings for him? Spencer had thought about it all day and he knew how he felt. He loved Sam. He honestly did. No girl had ever given him the feelings Sam did.

Sam placed a bandage over his wound and then smiled. "All better...well not completely but mostly." She shrugged.

"Thanks Sam." Spencer said meeting her eyes. His hands reached out holding onto hers. They were soft and gentle. "I really mean it." He said.

Sam starred at him as her heart began to pound. She leaned over hoping what was about happen wouldn't be something she regretted. Spencer realized what she was doing and he felt his stomach begin to turn. This had been something he had been waiting for. He leaned in and suddenly felt her lips against his. He felt his insides begin to burn. He felt his heart speeding up.

Sam had never felt so perfect in her life. She turned her head leaning further into the kiss. Spencers hands cupped her face holding on perfectly. His fingers ran through her blonde curls feeling how soft they were. Sam wrapped her arms around Spencers neck, feeling perfect and fitting like it was meant to be. Sam slowly pulled away. She smiled looking at him. "I'm a little surprised." Sam said honestly.

"How could you be surprised?" Spencer asked. "You're perfect." Spencer smiled at her.

"Thanks...I think." Sam said blushing at his comment. Spencer stood up holding her hand. He walked with her back into his bedroom. He took off his pants and shirt and climbed into bed. Sam watched him carefully before following. Spencer laid on his side facing her. He brushed the hair outta her face examining her pefectly. She was more beautiful up close. "Does it hurt?" Sam asked running her fingers along the bruises on Spencers side and stomach.

"Only a little." Spencer answered honestly. He didn't feel the need to put on a front for Sam. She had seen him at weakest and his strongest moments. She knew him already.

"I'm sorry this happened because of me." Sam said moving closer to Spencer. She placed her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It sounded steady and even. Her hand rested on his stomach slowly tracing the bruises. "I love you Spencer Shay." She said softly hoping he could hear her.

Spencer felt his heart begin to speed up. "I love you too Samantha Puckett." He said quickly. He didn't have to hesitate. He knew it was exactly what he wanted to say. "Good night." He said closing his eyes feeling that today had been the worst and best night of his life.

* * *

Carly changed into her pajamas after a quick shower. She decided to go check on Spencer just to make sure he was okay for the night. She walked down the stairs and walked to Spencers door. She pushed it open barely when she saw two people lying in the bed. She quickly recognized Sams hair. Carly panicked but quickly realized they were only talking. She slowly closed the door and walked quietly back to her room.

Once there she pulled out her phone and dialed Freddie's number quickly. She waited while it rang and his sleepy voice answered. "Whats up Carly?" He asked while yawning.

"Just wanted to let you know, you owe me 20 bucks." Carly said smiling.

"What do you mean?" Freddie asked confused.

"About Sam and Spencer." Carly clarified. "I was right...like always...and you were wrong." She shrugged even though Freddie couldn't see her.

"Oh right." Freddie said remembering their small bet. "I'll pay up." He promised. "Anyways, I had fun tonight...really." Freddie said remembering their date. "But I think we should stop lying to Spencer and Sam already." He stated.

"Alright." Carly said not wanting to argue. "See you tomorrow, bye." She hung up quickly feeling happy. She was glad Spencer and Sam were happy even if it would be a little awkward the next morning.


End file.
